Reclaiming Marriage as a Blessing

(Updated 7/29/2024.)

Your marriage is meant to be beautiful. It’s meant to be a gift. Do you know that? God’s design of marriage is symbolic of the love Jesus has toward His church (Ephesians 5:22-32). That never-ending, self-sacrificing, all-consuming love. Does your marriage feel that way? Are you enjoying your marriage? Do you feel blessed by it? 

To be honest, I don’t always feel blessed in my marriage. There are times my marriage is not enjoyable, and perhaps the furthest model from Jesus’ love for His church that you can imagine. Sometimes it even leaves me wondering:

The truth is: I know there is hope for marriage. I know because it is of God's design. 

But I also know that marriage is hard. After all, marriage is the process of two sinful people working together to become one. Marriage is a fight. A constant fight that we must choose to keep fighting for. My favorite song about marriage is "Love is not a Fight" by Warren Barfield. The opening verse says:

Love is not a place
To come and go as we please
It's a house we enter in
And then commit to never leave. 

This commitment to taking marriage seriously is the way God wants us to commit to Him. He never forces us to come to Him; He asks us to choose Him willingly. He provides everything we need when we commit and never leave. 

Marriage gives us practice for this commitment. Marriage is a home you build together; it's not a relationship of convenience. You willingly choose to stay because you know building that home together is love.

But how do you build a home together when you don't always see eye to eye? When you hurt one another? When you realize you don't have the same life goals? When you realize you have grown apart? The answer Barfield offers, and one that I agree with, is that you get on your knees together and look to God. When you do, you'll find that God, who is love, shelters you even as the storm rages around you. He gives you peace even though you are ready to battle. 

Love is a shelter
In a raging storm
Love is peace
In the middle of a war

Lyrics from "Love is not a Fight".

He will answer. He will save you. But He does expect you to work. You must fight to keep God the focal point of your marriage. You must follow His guidance no matter the situation and trust what He has in store (Proverbs 3:5-6). You must acknowledge that His ways are better than your ways; His thoughts are higher than your thoughts (Isaiah 55:8-9). You must admit that your Creator knows what’s best for you and your marriage. You must desire to honor Him in your marriage, which happens when you continually fight to grow closer to God together.

And if your spouse isn't ready to commit to keeping God in the center of your marriage, fight with God for your spouse.

When I think of marriage as a way to rehearse commitment to God, it feels like a higher calling, a divine purpose. And perhaps, if we choose to live our marriages out this way, then our marriages will radiate Jesus. Others will wonder, “What do they have that we don’t?” To which we’ll proclaim, “Jesus! Friends, you need Jesus!”

Just as there is no “one-size-fits-all” blueprint for life, there is no “one-size-fits-all” blueprint for marriage. Every marriage is unique, as unique as the individuals that compose it, regardless of how similar they seem. Marriages are like snowflakes: even two that start at the same time, from the same place, with relatively similar experiences, face different variables on the path they take – be it through the sky or through life - that shape them differently. So, I’m not here to tell you what you should or should not do in your marriage. I’m not here to provide you with a list of rules to follow, nor to suggest that I have that list of rules. I do, however, want to encourage you to fight, with God, for your spouse. Choose to see your spouse as a blessing. Choose him or her again each morning, and repeatedly throughout the day. Show humility through sacrifice, service, and encouragement to the end of unity. And, above all else, put God in the center by communicating, trusting, and growing together in His word, His ways, and His plan for you. Then, one day, while lost gazing into your spouse’s eyes, may you see God peering back at you.

Afterall,:

Love is not a fight
But it's something worth fighting for.

Lyrics from "Love is not a Fight"

 

With Love and Prayers from the Kitchen,

(*Note: If your marriage is not God-honoring, if the two of you are not working together to grow closer to God, seek help. When you allow your spouse to continue in sin, you are not loving them. Love is seeking God's best for another. Love means leading another out of sin. If they are unwilling, you need to set firm consequences which might mean leaving.)

Sample these related posts:

To celebrate your spouse.

To honor your singularity.

To relationship build with the concluding poem of Proverbs.

To commit to parenting together.

To reconnect with the power of love.

Interested in more faith-related blogs?  Then you're looking for Faith Food.  At Faith Food, you'll find links to all our faith-related blogs and a short description of each.  

Song Credit: "Love is not a Fight" performed by Warren Barfield