The Divorced Son: Part Ten | Reflections

Envy is called the ‘green-eyed monster’, and boy was I.  I lost my dad, really, my family…

I was so angry. So very, very angry….

I looked at other people that had their dad, and I envied.  I wanted what they had.  Even though I knew nothing about them and their life.  I wanted my full family. My Dad, My Mom, My Brother, and me.  I didn’t realize the gift God gave to me.  He gave me the gift of sight.  I could see how precious a whole family is.  I could see everything I never got from my Dad, that I wanted.  I kept looking for fathers. 

                There really is only one Father that won’t disappoint.  He has everything you could want.  He protects you every single day.  I have seen it.  He kept me from going down deep dark paths, ones you don’t come back from easily.  I know He loves me.  He took me down paths I needed to know, in order to stand up for the Divorced Sons and Divorced Daughters out there. I am put into the paths of lives He wants me to touch.  He has taught me the lessons I needed to know, from my Grandfathers who had stifled silence and diligent duty to my Grandmothers who had a simple soul and a holy heart.  My parents taught me how to become me, without getting in the way.  Loss is the only way to know what we have, it is sad but true.  I try to give those sons and daughters back some of what I needed when I should have gotten it.   I do this because I know what they are missing.  I know the burning coal in your heart, the one that creates the anger of envy.  The one that drives you almost insane with loss and sadness.

                God isn’t going to give you what you want.  You might get it, but never have known that that really was what you wanted.  He’ll take you down paths to prepare you to be there for others.  It will be painful.  But, it will be worth it.  You will help to bring His love to the Earth, and you will know it.  We are all servants.  I became a servant as I saw His Light.  I saw it when he took my Grandfather from my Father’s side early, so he wouldn’t suffer.  I didn’t see it until way later.  I blamed Him for taking him instead of thanking Him.  It took me years to see what He had really done. 

                My Grandfather on my mother’s side always lectured my brother and me.  Those lectures helped me see the importance of THINKing and hard work.  He died of gangrene and couldn’t talk, never being able to tell my mom that he was proud of her.  Thus, I tell people the things I think they need to hear, now. 

I saw it in little miracles.  He stopped me from following a life of porn.  He kept me from staying in a relationship that was toxic.  He told me when it was time to stop chasing money and go into teaching.  He led me to my wife, when my heart finally found His path.  He guided me to stay in the lives of my brother-in-law and my nephew.  So many amazing things.

                I took leaps of Faith.  I fell.  From my own fear.  He picked me back up.  All I needed was patience in faith, but we are always rushing to get there.  He isn’t like that.  He doesn’t rush.  He is neither too early nor too late.  He builds Faith in us, if we let Him.  After that, it just gets harder.  Sorry.  It is just the way of the world to tear you down when you start believing.  Welcome to the Club.  God loves you, and if you truly know that, then you will have a great life.  The Life of a Servant.

Ready for Part 11?

Sample these related posts:
To meet this Divorced Son.
To hear more of grandpa's lectures.
To relax with Grandma.
To undergo servant training.
To witness a Wolfe Stew leap of faith.

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