The Divorced Son: Part Twelve | Reflections

 

                My Brother.  I remember pulling him around in the red wagon in Sherwood, Ohio. He was my greatest joy.  I always wanted him to be my best friend. But that was not meant to be.  I still love my brother deeply, but there is resentment now, on both sides. 

                I remember our days in Ohio. We went everywhere together.  I was always protective of him.  I wanted him to be happy. I even remember one time we filled an empty 2-liter bottle with water and packed some bologna.  We walked together down to the train yard.  There was a small wooden overlook that we got up on. I don’t think anyone knew we went there.  It was a special memory to me. All of the Ohio memories were good, until the Divorce.

                When the divorce happened, we split from our Dad and our Mom’s boyfriend stepped in quickly. I knew in my heart that things were not good.  We stayed with Dad for awhile until we would move to Arizona.  I was so confused and full of anger, I got my brother to cry one night, on purpose.  I talked about how we both missed Mom, I was cruel to do that and regret it to this day. My Dad didn’t know what to do with my brother upset and just became frustrated.  I am sorry that I did that to both of them.

                When we finally moved to Arizona, my Mom pretty much put me in charge of him to keep him out of trouble while my Mom and Stepfather went out for the weekends. That is where the tension started. I remember trying to keep my brother from doing stuff, but I ended up going with him and doing the stuff that could get him in trouble, because I loved him and was trying to protect him.  I resented it. I didn’t want the position.

                I remember getting in trouble with our Stepfather because my brother would change the tuner settings on the stereo, and I didn’t know how to set them back.  He did it one time, when my friend was over. I tried to get him to stop, but he wouldn’t.  I got so mad I held him on the wall and hit him a couple of times.  I was tired of getting in trouble.  I was responsible and my brother always seemed to get off the hook.

                I wanted him to be a part of my life.  He went away to the Army and I didn’t see him for 4 years. We got him to go to the same college I went to and we lived together. Which, really, was a mistake. I took on the bills and he took on the rent. The other guys we lived with always made me talk to him about being late in paying the rent.  Another resentment, both ways. He was always being told what to do by me.  It wasn’t right.

                My friend and my brother kicked me out of my own apartment, because we had these problems.  I am still deeply hurt by this.  My mother came and helped me find another place to live.  I just recently found out that she kept it from my second Stepfather. She always covered for him. I have always felt less loved because of this.

                My brother got married and I ruined that too.  I got drunk and reacted emotionally when he didn’t receive what we all did to his car with foamy shaving cream. So, I have always felt like I have ruined our relationship. And it was confirmed, he moved to Germany for 10 years and I had no way to get ahold of him. That cut deep. He came back recently, and we play video games online with each other at times. I will settle for that. I do not let myself get attached to him anymore.

                I will always remember the red wagon times.  I will always love my little brother. But I will not really know him anymore. It is sad what happens in family. I hold on to the love for my little brother, from the past. I always will. And it hurts.

Sample these related posts:
To meet The Divorced Son.
For another memory of my brother.
To read more about my mom and my first stepfather.
To read more about my dad.
To connect Star Wars with family and restoration.

Looking for a place to kick back and relax while you read? Then you want to stop by our Reading Nook where you'll find original Wolfe Stew literary works.